Great Leader Rafferty Voices support for Russian Acquisition of Crimea

28/03/14

The infamous dictator, and dick-tator, Sean Rafferty of The People's Republic of St. Louis made a speech today, congratulating the Russians on their recent conquest in Crimea.

"I think this to be not only a great feat in its own right, but a sign of greater prosperity to come for our Russian allies", he said. "We of St. Louis all hope to see a glorious return to the days when the Soviet banner flew over the happiest people the world has yet to know".

In a bid to show that his support was backed with force, Rafferty unveiled a prototype of a newly designed tank the school-state had been working on. It appeared to be little more, however, that an old Massey-Ferguson with an AK-47 cellotaped to the side and the words "Excellence, Endeavour, Empowerment" scrawled on the door in black marker. Rafferty then drove it about for a bit, before declaring "you get the idea".

The speech was set to conclude with a rendition of the School's anthem. At first, a few of the older students began "St. Louis, St. Louis, with pride we salute you...". Interest, however, soon waned when it became clear that the majority of students had no knowledge of the lyrics. Gunshots were heard minutes later.