my-crime.txt

I am a rich man. A very rich man. Jesus once said "it is easier for a camel to go
through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God."
I suppose that quote would worry me if I really believed any of this shit.

The biggest problem with being rich is that the government wants to take you for
everything you've got. Tax on the top bracket in this country is ridiculous.
However, there is one glaring exception. All religious organisations are totally
exempt from taxation. So I came up with a plan. What, if I simply set up a
religious organisation, with myself as the head, and ran all my money through that?

It turned out not to be that simple. I had to show that my religion had followers.
What else could I do? I read up on the Bible, put on my best acting face and tried
to convince a few village idiots to start following me. It worked like a charm.
Of course, now that I had enough followers for the scheme I didn't want any more
flocking in, so I made up a rule about not accepting converts, because they were
"unclean".

This worked for about a year. It was great, I was routing all the money through
"church funds", and I was making even more by pushing my followers to collect
"donations" from their friends and family. Best time of my life.

All good things come to an end, however, and eventually Johnny Law got
suspicious. They came right to my house and told me they thought I was 
running the whole operation as a tax dodge. They weren't wrong, of course, but
I could hardly just confess. I had to double down.

I got all my followers to hole up with me in an old military bunker. I fed them
some bullshit about persecution, and God testing us like Jesus in the desert. Whatever
Bible references I could think of at the time. Like everything else I say they
swallowed it wholesale, and we encamped in the bunker.

I thought everything would blow over in a couple of weeks.

Everything did not blow over.

The cops set up camp outside the bunker and started trying to starve us out.
I had no choice but to keep escalating and keep feeding my followers lies.

And here I am today. Still here is this damn bunker with a pack of complete
idiots. Worse still, I think they're starting to doubt me. It's only a matter of
time until they turn on me, and then I won't be safe outside or inside.

In short, I am fucked.